Post before JC opens.

I will get my results back tomorrow, and will enter JC on the next day.

Shit just got real eh?

Anyway if you didn't know my results, 10 raw, -4 so it's a 6.

Am I happy? No. Am I sad? No. But it wasn't my ideal result so I do feel some disappointment inside of me.

Some results surprised me, both positively and negatively. Never would have thought my Combined Humanities would be a B4. Fortunately Singapore's L1R5 system is so screwed up it saved my ass. English B3, Higher Chinese C6. If we had used an overall raw score instead, things would be so, so different.

I would like describe my future as 'foggy'. I feel listless sometimes (when I get moody lulz) and fatigued. I figure this would be due to the fact that I do not have a goal and purpose in life. There is nothing pushing me forward.

We go into school, day in day out learning things (which is good) and then come home do work eat sleep repeat. That was practically my secondary school life. Is it meant to be like this?

JC, don't even get me started. According to my sister JC will be the harder, way harder than secondary school. My curriculum will roughly end in the afternoon, about 4. That's not including my CCA. So do work, sleep, repeat. Next day, go back to school. Is there anything else to life?

After education, NS, university (aka education again), go out to work. And guess what? Working life ain't much different! Do work, sleep repeat. That is, of course, if your work isn't ideal.

Is life just about slaving yourself? That's how I currently feel, probably because I do not have a focus at all. And if I do have a focus, if I am working to that focus, I wonder if any thing will change. Maybe I will enjoy my slavery.

We see all those posts on the Internet "Follow your dreams" "Listen to your heart" etc. etc. In an ideal world I say hey, I will do that. But this world isn't ideal and if things doesn't go your way we have a big problem. I do believe that I also lack motivation and the push to achieve goals (if I have any) currently and thus we have another problem, self. I still have not found any focus, the objective that my whole life revolves about, the goal.

I just recalled something. The job of taking care of a few islands in Australia (or so) was described to be 'The best job in the world' by the media. Oh rly? Is it really so? If one does not enjoy that job, is it still the best job in the world?

Which puts the spotlight one one fear that I have. I do not know what my parents' dreams are. But they both work in the office, what we call 'white collared workers'. Day in day out, in the office, in front of the computer, in front of their bosses, slaving away (that's to put it crudely) just to grind out the dough, for who else, but for me. What if the in the future, I become like them? Instead of "following my dreams", I am resignated to do these jobs, forever?

It's all a bunch of 'what-ifs'. Why am I suddenly talking about this? I feel tired today actually lololol (revert back to normal Shawn mode) and when I'm tired I get more philosophical (logic ftw)

Ate flu medicine actually because my nose was leaking non stop. So maybe I will doze off on the computer later.

I really do hope JC life won't choke my soul and strangle my windpipe and esophagus. And my brain.

Until then, lets continue moving on.