How I changed over the years

Hello everyone that reads my blog (which is nobody), Happy New Year 2026! Wishing you bountiful blessings and happiness for the years to come.

I know my previous post was about how I was going to talk about the monotony of my life, but just now I recently got triggered from a conversation with an asshole stranger that I have never talked to before, and did some self reflection on how it has changed me. Well, this particular incident wasn't the only cause, but it is reflective of how I feel in the past vs now.

Some context, I have a friend from NS, who introduced me into anime and gacha games and this hellhole of spiralling depression (kill me), who asked me if I was willing to contribute to the beginner's game guide that this guy was writing, for the game that I was obsessed with back then. Since I was feeling good at that time, and my friend is my boy (good enough status for me to actually spend time for), I decided why the hell not. Let me give some feedback. So I read the guide, disagreed with some parts. Wrote up a lengthy comment, DMed the author, thought that was it.

What I wasn't expecting was this motherfucker's reply.

TLDR, he became argumentative about his stance in his guide, and was aggressively rude in his responses. 

(this is a small snippet of the very long wall of text that followed)

I'll spare you the frankly mind numbing and also blood boiling details. In the end what I thought would be a short exchange turned out to become a really long argument, too long for my liking now that I look back. I should've just went "Ok, whatever. It's your guide." and just went on my way. Which would have saved me so much time, energy. I would have made peace with whatever nonsense came my way.

If you thought this was just it, I later learnt that he screenshot my conversation with him, and put it inside an online album of pictures called 'Wall of shame', along with screenshots with other people's messages, and spread it around to mock. Apparently these messages, some of them just plain asking questions about the game, others just casual insane talk from perpetually online individuals, into what seemed like a very perverted collection of messages from strangers that maybe wets his whistle enough to be worthy of an Imgur album. I don't know what's bad about what I said till this day. Anyone who makes fun of strangers, be it right in front of their faces, or pathetically behind their backs, is a really sad individual. 

Back then, I was the kind of guy to go onto Internet forums, give my opinions on things, help others when I think I can help them, and get into the occasional Internet argument or two because of that. I was on subreddits of the hobbies that I enjoy, mainly Hololive, FGO, (the gacha game I am referring to earlier) because I engage in that content. But after I realised how immature the community is, I have steeled myself to not engage in any sort of Internet discussion, ever. Period. As much as I want to say "Hey I think that..." or whatever inane nonsense one would spew onto the vast nothingness of social media or forums, I realised that for some reason, people will find fault with you. There's idiots, assholes, cunts, dickheads, for various reasons, be it ideologically, just trolling, or just simply ignorant, they will bring you down. 

To be fair, some people don't really care about this. Like, so what. It's just some guy on the Internet lol let him be. And that makes sense, why should you care about this random cunt? But for me, I feel way too affected by these people. It takes up my headspace, it messes with my train of thought, my focus. Maybe I'm just not as thick skinned as I thought. It came to a point when I told myself, this is never worth it. Why engage in a community where you will not find happiness in? The issue is the community, and not the game / content itself. I still can derive the same enjoyment from these content without ever socialising and interacting with them. So I should just consume the content and game as per usual, and avoid interacting with anyone. Because you never know when you'll be unlucky and step on the landmine of dickheads. 

I feel like I know the reasons behind this. Remember that I was teaching in a secondary school before, and I mentioned that one of the students there was a fan of Gawr Gura, le funny meme shark, which is actually a Vtuber for the aforementioned Hololive agency which had a really cringe community. It's not that everyone is bad. It's just that there are just a portion of them who really makes me want to drink bleach. And it gave me an epiphany once I saw that a secondary school child is a fan of the content I'm engaged with. Because that one child could actually be the person I'm arguing with online. I, 25 years of age, am arguing with a literal child whose first exposure to literacy is through Youtube videos of some talking toilet or whatever skibidi 67 rizz kill me please. 

In this case, they aren't the cringe one. I would be the cringe one, for arguing with a literal child. Imagine spending the time to write out a fully substantiated argumentative essay to debate with a 13 year old. Relevant link:

My whole mindscape changed after realising that. It kind of hit me socially as well, I started to not be as social as before. Not because I could run the risk of talking to children (to be fair, I shudder trying to interact with a teenager nowadays), but even in reality, when I'm interacting with adults, it doesn't guarantee that I'm actually interacting with an adult. All I can see is a facade of a functioning well maintained working member of society, but behind that facade could be some mentally instable degenerate who is ready torture chickens in his neighbourhood as a stress reliever. And when you realise that, do you really want to talk to such people? Of course, maybe it's just me going off the rails, just getting schizophrenia, voices in my head telling me "My CEO is a chicken torturer". Implying I'm not some siaolang talking to himself in a blogpost.

However, after reading more and more news, learning about people in general, interacting with cunts in NS, university, online, offline. I would be a fool to call this world a kind and pleasant one. Even in a relatively educated society like in Singapore, the denizens here can act like they grew up as an orphan living in the sewers. Some can be polite on the outside, but their actions speak otherwise. Some can't even manage to put on a front with decorum, and just straight up go at you. It's maddening, but it makes sense. It's illogical, but it can be true.

Simply, there are lowlifes who are a net negative to society. They do not deserve kindness, no matter how much kind people give to them. I do not think that any amount of rehabilitation will change them. They are just born like that, maybe made through circumstance, or maybe through their nature of being a cunt. And, for the less sinister side, there's children. Who have the sin of ignorance and immaturity. They may not mean ill, but I would need to bring myself back to 14 years old to talk to them on the same playing field, and I don't have the facilities for that soon.

Anyway, maybe its cause I'm jaded, not enough energy, too much Uma Musume: Pretty Derby available on Android, iOS, Steam which somehow makes me want to attend live Japanese G1 Horse Racing for my upcoming trip to Tokyo, but I just felt that over the years, I have become apathetic to things around me. Not that I have lost my conscience and humanity, I still feel outraged over atrocities in society. Like what the hell, we have enough mala stalls in SG already la I don't eat spicy food ffs. But I have now become much less reactionary, less proactive, and more cautious. I still think I will help people, but not overzealously do so. I will not jump at the opportunity, especially for strangers, to make their day. Because it probably won't, and funnily enough it may ruin my day. Because we as a species, as humanity, is a net negative to this world (citation needed). There are really outstanding human beings out there, but there really are another bunch that's dragging us down. It's why we have long standing issues, that seemingly everyone talks about but people in power, who know about it, but yet do nothing about it, just claim that it is your responsibility, not mine. It's you who should pay for plastic bags, and not the mega corporations generating 9 megafucktons of waste per second. It is you at fault. Have you looked at yourself? You should give your seat to others, but me, I will take this seat for myself. I deserve it. I am entitled to this, not you. This is why Singa the kindness lion seppukued. He knows.

Anyway, if I would rant about how messed up this world is, I would go on forever. But I realised that and now spend my time on trying to make sure I enjoy myself, fully. While I still can.

Status in life check, looking to find a new job. Tokyo trip soon. Scorpio cup 1st round 17/20. Life may not be perfect, in fact it may be absolutely shite. But I still want to see tomorrow.

Endless cycle

 The monotony of this life is slowly eating me. I'll get back to this topic when I somehow have the time to make a writeup.

Im posting this while on a coach to Genting

 Yes I'm in Malaysia right now. I'm using the eight Telco where you can get 8GB of roaming data along with 88GB of local data for only $8! Subscribe now with promo code SEXYSHAWN for an exclusive nudes of...

Wait what was I trying to do again? Oh ok I was ranting about my internship. What better way to continue doing it while on a coach to Genting. Did I wake up at 4am today? Is it the time to write blog posts? Hell yeah!

Ok let's wind back time again. So another assignment I had was BMSS, where there were 4 classes running concurrently. I was originally supposed to send logistics there like the GrabDriver I am. Then afterwards, I ended up managing the Halocode boxes there as well. Checking every single box after these little twats have their fun with it. If a wire is missing? *shrugs shoulders into oblivion*

Anyway soon enough I found that my role at this company is not just to prepare slides, logistics, train instructors, clean toilets, cook lasagne and stop climate change. I also realised that I was the backup instructor for the army of freelance pals that are surely very highly motivated and trained personnel. These elite crew sometimes goes missing without any notice and, if you remember by my previous post, has happened before. This time though, since I was already there, how convenient of me to present my ripe ass for the taking. A called me and asked "Can you teach this class instead, their trainer went to find the dragon balls". And by asked, it was actually an order. Since I had no choice in it.

Funny thing because I don't know:

1. What the class learnt last time

2. What the class is supposed to learn

3. What the students are like

4. How are the classes normally conducted

5. What is the meaning of life

But fortunately, there is a pro from doing everything yourself. It's that you know what is going on. Guess who did the slides for these lessons. 

Not knowing anything nor what to expect, and only armed with my own knowledge of "Fuck it, we ball", I took charge of the class and told them to do as I say. We are going to make Halocode into a steering wheel. 

Halocode is a circular wafer that functions like a circuit board, with lights and sensors. So I told them to create a bird on the program, and link it to Halocode motion sensors. When you turn the Halocode clockwise, bird goes up. Anti clockwise, bird goes down. 

We just made a 1 hour lesson. Oh wait, you mean that's not enough? What if you, PAN THE HALOCODE DOWN?? AND MAKE THE BIRD ROTATE????

The mad genius is back at it again. Children's were laughing with excitement. Teachers weeping with joy. This man revolutionised teaching, without even knowing what the hell he was teaching. 

Fun fact: I developed all of these slides without even touching the Halocode once. It was all hypothetical since in the office there was 0 Halocodes, all of them were in the school. I developed a curriculum without even using the device.

As much as I would like to toot my own horn, I felt that I unironically did a fantastic job, for someone who did not prepare for it. And thus, the new answer to "Tell us a problem you faced and how you overcome it" interview question was born.

Anyway. Other than the cancer Times, there was a time when I was sent to be assistant to this girl who just graduated from Polytechnic and was doing this pre school part time job. She was so pretty and nice, taking pictures of me in a paper hat as well. If I was a gigachad alpha male I would ask for her number but I felt that it's inappropriate for me to be hitting on girls during my internship. What if she went and complained about sekuhara? Man. I still have some pictures of her in my phone though. 

Anyway. I'm reaching Genting now. Part 2 soon?

2 years later... (Part 2)

 Wew. It's currently 10.54 pm on a Friday night, I have nothing much to do but I am feeling quite energetic still. Let's channel this energy into recalling what the hell happened 2 years ago and where I left off...

Let's fokking go

Day 2 of my internship. Thrown into the pack of wolves. A preschool in Canberra, a place which somehow is in between the two stops on the North South Line and wasn't existent until very recently (no MRT = doesn't exist in my mind) and I'm being sent to this foreign land on my first mission.

How the hell do I get there again?

Fortunately for me, there was 1 good caveat about my company. A good portion of my travels was covered because I am allowed to take taxi to places whenever I bring logistics, which are big Toyo boxes filled with toys for those devil children. And then afterwards, I get to leave from the preschool straight back home. Which sounds decent but classes end at around 6.30pm and then cleaning up, I usually leave at 7pm. So it's still late as hell but at least I don't need to go back to the office. We take those small Ws.

Children's song

Box obtained, Grab called (by my colleagues cause I don't have the Grab app on my phone, that shit is a rich people service mate), game-face on.

Time to educate some students.

Carrying the box (it's heavy and I can barely wrap it around with my arms) to the preschool, I tried to locate the main trainer. Yup, at least I'm not the main teacher so I guess it should be fine, I told myself. Found the guy, a poly student waiting to go to university. What's up my guy, I hope you are experienced cause this is literally my first time mate I have no idea what is the standard procedures like.

"Oh this is my first time too"

My reaction

So that's how they work. This is merely the precursor to what is about to come. A prelude to the theatrics I would be exposed in this clown society.

Inside the box is also a binder with the class list with students in the class. So before every class, we are supposed to take attendance and if children are missing, we check with the teachers. Sounds reasonable and logical.

Let's see how many we have today. 3.

Oh. Okay.

So actually in this scenario, from my understanding 1 trainer is actually good enough for this. But I guess because it's the guy's first time, I got sent there to be a dog for everyone. A funny thing to think about is that months later, I (me myself , and limpeh) took a class of 40 by myself, so you can imagine what sort of tomfoolery is my bosses brewing. I have SO MANY things to talk about, I'm pretty sure I forgot a large part of my internship. 

Hence why I'm writing this shit down right? 3000 IQ plays as usual by your boy.

(ffs man I also want to talk about my previous corporate job and my current cybersecurity job but I'll spend more time writing compared to Shakespeare and Murasaki Shikibu combined)

Take some drugs to continue on

Anyway, nothing too interesting to talk about for lessons. It's children and toys, what do you expect. Actual learning? LMAO please. Parents think that these children actually give a crap about what we teach them. On the ground, you'll be lucky if these children actually sit down and not run away, let alone listen to you. This is also merely the precursor to my second stint where I continued to work as a teacher after my internship but was somehow booted midway through. Oh the misery, everybody wants to be my enemy~~ (I told you I have a shit load of stories to tell. It's mad)

Anyway, I still remember one of the children on the first lesson. There are different topics for different classes in different preschools. Let me introduce you to Scratch, an easy block based programming tool that's really cool even for an adult like me, if I had this shit in the past I would make so many banter games it would be unbelievable. Instead, I did it on Macromedia Flash and RPG Maker. Memories. I digress, so Scratch was done on iPads (yes, these 6 year olds have accesses to iPads) and we distributed them to the children while we conduct our lesson. So 1 of these little guys realised what Scratch was similar to, and then started to tell us about his Minecraft exploits at home. Let me reiterate this to you, there are 6 year olds out there playing Minecraft right now, this was in 2021 by the way. In 2023 I think you'll expect to be debating with toddlers on Reddit on why we should add the Fortnite dance to Roblox. At 6 years old the only thing I remember was looking forward to colourful kueh and hoping its not cold chee cheong fun again at my church preschool. That speaks about how grown up (being very positive here) these young ones already are. Who is to say that teaching coding is not a waste of time after all? Well, we can leave that debate to another day on whether Minecraft is a coding app, but I was seeing that maybe children would really be able to sit down, listen attentively and actually surpass my coding level at secondary school while in preschool.

Nope. That guy was like the 1%. Out of all the classes I teached afterwards, I had only found 1 other boy who was like him, able to surpass the speed of the class and also listen to me. Shawns in the making I dare say. 

Shining like a star

I don't recall much after that, just normal lessons shit, and I went home weary but happy that I somehow managed to survive my first time teaching in a preschool. [For personal reference, I check this with Google Timeline so I can recall what happen. I found that I reached home at 8.17pm lol. This was July 21 2021]

Small steps.

Oh, did I mention that this company was going to move their company HQ to another place in Bukit Merah? And that they did it on the weekend of my first week? Saturday morning, please come to lift furniture and move stuff over guys. I don't even remember if I was paid for this honestly. Oh yeah, I was. My CEO (the boss of my bosses) actually offered to buy lunch for me and my fellow intern M. And like gave us $10 or some shit. Sandwich and milo, or something like that. Haha you don't have to sir, how generous of you! We broke ass bitches could never accept that. 

But you must rise against the current no matter how strong it is.

So we got a brand new office, a bigger one in the outskirts of the city, an even more ulu place to go. Oof. There was a canteen in the office at least. I guess I'll be saving some moneyy hahaha no. My colleagues actually prefer to Grab or takeaway and eat in the office! Incredulously, this led to a moment which, looking in hindsight, is either the most disrespectful or respectful thing you can get, subjective to you of course. We will get to that later.

Oh, I forgot to mention something. We were supposed to bring our own laptops. This led to me actually asking companies in the future on whether they provide laptops. I think the interviewers would be confused over why I asked this, do companies out there not provide laptops? 

Haha... I know one...

The sun shone in very strongly in the morning, which made M decide to chope a place and sacrifice me into the sun. How very kind of her. But I took the Vitamin D in stride and had a spot which overlooks a swimming pool in the building opposite. I always stared at the pool whenever I had the opportunity to and dreamt of me one day being able to swim while at work. Imagine relaxing and having leisure time at work.

In the end, it has to be this way. I'll take it in stride. Grit your teeth. 6 months. What's the worse that could happen?

Here comes the first secondary school assignment.

I received a call on Wednesday night by my boss A who apologised about bothering me at night (aww don't worry, I am always ready 24/7 for you sir. After all, what are interns for? We are here to be at your service sir!) and told me about an emergency.

Spoiler alert, these emergencies happened very often within a 6 month period.

Apparently, the main trainer tomorrow is gone so they needed help. A$AP ROCKY. Who is the best person for the job? HMMMMMMMMMMM

IT'S YA BOY SHAWN PRAWN LEMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"It's OK, you can be the assistant trainer, I will come along with you tomorrow and you just help me" said A. Oh ok, that isn't too bad I guess. So he will be going through the main content and I will be the useless cunt clicking at the slides and then helping the other kings and queens with their iPads on the tables. Don't forget taking the pictures!

[12 August 2021, just checked and this was actually NOT the first time I went to teach a secondary school, I was assistant to another dude few weeks earlier and found secondary school students watching Gawr Gura, le funny meme shark vtuber that I myself have been watching for a while already. I'm sharing a hobby with 13 year olds. Yes. Ever since that day I stopped debating about vtubers to people online because I could be debating with a FUCKING 13 YEAR OLD and I wouldn't know about it so seriously thank you internship for opening my eyes]

Actually there wasn't anything interesting that happened on that day. Other than me being useless and also observing on how secondary schools work, I noticed that the coding classes happen in a classroom different from the students' usual classes. So they reach the class 5-10 mins later which means we have to cram our curriculum even more because of the lesser time given. I found myself personally liaising with teachers a lot because sometimes we face technical difficulties and pressuring the teachers to do something is something I have to do. Get the Wifi password bitch or we ain't working today. HDMI cable or you guys will look at a blank screen. We ended up usually on the upper hand so it was us who told the teachers what to do and they were grateful to us when it worked out in the end cause of my excellent firefighting skills. Too bad I didn't get any teacher MILF gf from this but whatever

~~ Interlude ~~

So remember what I talked about earlier regarding my colleagues who like to takeaway and eat in the office rather than eating in the canteen which has tables and chairs btw, very shocking but they indeed facilitate eating there! So I once told my colleagues, I ain't taking away shit. It costs extra money, so you guys can go ahead and takeaway, I will eat by myself in the canteen. Which was a really good thing because: 

1. I would very much prefer to watch vtuber videos on my phone while eating

2. I save some money

3. It's hard to use my phone in the office since it's so small, my boss can see me very easily

4. My daily schedule in office is quite suffocating so taking a break alone, being an introvert, is good.

5. Did I mention I get to use my phone while I eat? Alone? With earphones on?

So I did, and afterwards my boss S came over and told me in the future, she will give me $1 every time we takeaway. And she actually took a $1 coin and gave it to me.

....

Should I feel happy she thought about this and actually gave me money? Or insulted that I have to be given money to eat with them cause I'm such a scrooge that I even have to care about the $0.30 takeaway charge? It wasn't something that came to my mind that day, but I just returned the $1 to her secretly and thought that even though it was a nice gesture, I would very much be watching this on my phone instead during lunch.

Anyway, it's not that I don't want to talk to my colleagues. They actually had some things to talk about during lunch, unlike my current company where its just a bunch of guys who are introvert nerds anyway so we have nothing to say to each other. So I didn't hate their company, but I just felt so tired cause of work I don't even want to talk. 

~~ Interlude end ~~

[Time check: 12:26am] 

Let's stop here for today. Things to write: Drones, first time doing in that circle thing in BMSS, writing proposals for d*ta, sungei buloh, 

2 years later....

 It's been 2 years since my last post. Just skimming through, let's see. December 2020. Midst of my university suffering. What has changed? 

Also, click the mysterious links to listen to the same songs I was listening to while writing this!

I wonder what song?

Let's catch up from Dec 2020 to now.

University? I made it. I passed with Third Class Honours (Merit), not ideal but judging the struggle I've been through, it could have been worse. I know people who got worse. I was aiming for Second Lower at least but I missed it by 0.01. Unbelievable right? I failed my IPPT this year by 1 second. Who knew the margins of success and failure were so thin?

I digress. Going back in time, after my academic semesters in NTU, came my final semester. Internship or Final Year Project. A choice that every university student faces. The answer was easy for me.

IMAGINE DOING MORE PHYSICS LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Internship it was. The choice was simple. But the execution? Jesas. The number of trials and tribulations I went through. It took me till round 3 to get a singular offer. The school itself was desperate to send off their useless students on their final semester (me) because if they didn't get an offer, they would need to scramble to find some shite company to babysit their toddlers. I myself had tried to source for companies (aiming high initially, since I once interned in CIMB Bank) but was promptly brought down to Earth after finding that nobody wants my useless ass with a useless degree.

Mysterious song

The fun part about having a Physics degree, is that the whole working world wants to ask you the same question. 

"Why did you choose this job? Why did you end up here?"

Bruv, I need to feed my family you cucks. Physics graduates, spoiler alert, have to eat. It's mad I know, I could have never known right? Here's the funny part. Hold your breath, you will never expect this. They also have families and a bunch of them aren't rich. They actually need to work under the capitalist regime to sustain themselves. If you're still not unconscious from shock by learning this, then I applaud your mental strength.

Anyway, what does that garbage have to do with internships? Well, the interviewer for this particular spot didn't ask me many questions. He instead talked a lot about what the role has to offer. Which sounds not that bad right? I didn't think too much about it. But in hindsight, I understood why.

Nobody wants this role. They take anyone.

song to listen to when you're depressed

What was this role? What on Earth did I get myself into? Well, to summarise it, I became a teacher. Teaching what? Teaching coding. Programming. To who? Pre school to secondary school students.

Sounds like a decent job innit? Well, let me introduce you to the tale of my experience in company R.

Time check. July 2021. Company R was a SME with a small ass office, with around 10 staff (including the owner and his wife). Their old office in River Valley was dusty, carpeted but cramped, interesting but isolated, old and crumbling place.  In the middle of apartments, where you would expect rich cunts to have big ass bungalows to be, is an office with a massive stack of boxes, robots, and of course, tons of useless crap, in the 2nd storey. I remember the first day, going there as a nervous intern, unsure of what to expect. It's my first time working for a SME, and my previous internship was a rather relaxed one because the senior workers were not able to teach me a lot to help them in their daily work. So I went in with an open mind. Let's hope we will get a comfy job, air-con, chill, and we outtie.

change the genre

On my first day, I was introduced to a bunch of people there. There was admin, 2 heads, 1 for preschools, 1 for primary schools and secondary schools. And then 2 other interns. 

That's it. That's the staff. 

I spent a large part of the day cutting paper into shapes for preschoolers. And learnt how to use their contraptions for toddlers. It's interesting to put it nicely, but to put it crudely, a complete waste of time for anyone learning practical job skills. I came out of the first day hoping that this will not be a useless journey for me. At least in CIMB, I got to relax even if I didn't learn much. Please, let that be the minimum.

who says songs must have lyrics?

(Checks google timeline)

Oh wow. I remember something. I actually left to deliver a box on the first day. I left on a Grab to be precise. I was sent out to deliver one box to a preschool in Yishun. Inside this box was essentially the items needed for the preschool trainer to use for their lessons. I just had to find the preschool, which was located in the void deck of these newfangled HDB blocks that were labyrinth inspired, and leave it there for the instructor to use when it's time for lessons. Expenses, thankfully covered. I left the first day thinking about how it was nice I came off work earlier at 5. But this was just the start of the saikang and logistical work that was coming.

this is not a song

(oh shit this will be an extremely long post. I'm only at Day 1. Looks like Part 2 is needed)

Day 2

(I could have swore the events happened on Day 2 but according to google timeline it's Day 3...)

Day 2/3/godwhenwillthesufferingend

Blah blah it's the same shit as Day 1 lmao cutting paper, being useless.. hol up the education head for the preschools S is talking to someone on the phone. It's not good.

Some instructor got Thanos snapped and they are missing 1 person urgently. I wonder who could replace them? Maybe a list of backup instructors that could help to go on urgent notice? Reschedule the lessons? Worse comes to worse, one of the experienced people could go instead?

"Shawn, I need you to do something for me today"

F**K off. Seriously? You're calling me to do it, when I have 0 experience. 0 knowledge on how the lesson should go. Never even went to such classes before, not even shadowed any teacher before this. First time teaching anyone in fact. 

"It'll be ok, you'll be only the assistant teacher. But I need to tell you some things. You cannot touch any students (remember this part, this will be funny later on when I get PHYSICALLY ABUSED by them instead) and you should not help them to go to the toilets, ask for the preschool teachers instead."

Well, fair enough. It's like every male out there is a pedophile right. "It's to protect yourself" Of course it is. Society says we are monsters. No exceptions. But I'm not here to rant about that. So let's move on.

new song i started listening to

The incredulity in me was unbelievable, but being a small fry on his starting days of the internship, do I dare to voice my dissent? I came in with an open mind (just like entering NS LMAOOO oh boy that brings back some fresh PTSD if I do say so myself) and I was certainly open to learning new things. But this was akin to throwing me to the lava. 

"You'll just need to take pictures and send it to us on the Whatsapp group for their magazine"

If you say so...

Do you want to know what song have I been playing on loop every day?

(To be continued...)

This is definitely a new song

Theory of happiness

So apparently Einstein wrote in 1922 that “A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness,” (I just searched that up) and I listened to a song called Theory of Happiness that was covered by an onion over here. It got me thinking, what is my theory of happiness? 

There shouldn't be a clear definition of happiness for everyone. I can also see that people are happy with different things, different standards, while others may not feel the same. It would be great if everyone was happy all the time, wouldn't it? That's what I would wish for actually, like if I had to make a wish for mankind, it would be for everyone to find peace and happiness. 

It's very weird. The previous semester was the hardest I had in NTU I think, cause I took double lab anticipating that online lab would be better than doing physical lab. I wouldn't say I was wrong, but it was excruciating how much procrastination I had which resulted in me doing 2 lab reports in 2 days, eventually overshooting the deadline for the experiments by 1 day. It was an unique experience, if I were to find positives. Quantum Mechanics and Condensed Matter Physics was, again, destroying me like Electromagnetism. Just that this time, there wasn't Covid here to save me by giving all students a S/U option. All in all, suffering. It was suffering, more suffering. Not suffrage, suffering. Did I mention I suffered a lot? Yes. I came into this course thinking "Hey I'm kind of interested in Physics, science is cool, I like cool stuff" but now I'm here hating myself.

Anyway, I digress from academics. In this semester, I started to wonder if my chase for GPA was really going to be worth it in the end. It was so tiring, my body was both mentally and physically fatigued from the constant struggle to maintain a number. I dreaded work, I mean who doesn't right? Oh wait, people who actually loved what they do. I, unfortunately, am not one of them. So I thought to myself, is this the right way to do things?

Reading articles about people dying unexpectedly on the news has got me to take my life more seriously, and yet less seriously at the same time. You never know. It could be me, or people around me. It's unhealthy, but realistic, to accept that this can be your very last moment on Earth. Maybe it has warped me a bit. Or a lot. I take enjoyment of things more seriously now I guess. I don't want to do things that make me unhappy. Who wants to? I want to do things that fulfill me. Something that makes me happy, even for a fleeting moment. 

Alas, as a uni student, what is indulging yourself? Every time I do that, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for watching Hololive videos after school. Playing Destiny 2 means lesser time for revision. Skipping tutorials cause I don't want to travel 3 hours. Should I have just cut them out and studied? Was it even worth the pain? Will I even get improvements from putting in effort? All these questions left unanswered. No one will know, not even me. How much is too little, too much? I could be studying every single moment I'm awake technically. But why don't I? I'm here to study right? Getting a degree with good results, that's what I'm here for.

I don't know what's the balance. I have met many different types of people in uni and have thought a lot about it. Some are here to get results, will fight tooth and nail over it, results first, relationships later. Some are here for the degree, get through it unscathed, that's a win (I feel like I'm this group right now). Some are here to fool around, find relationships, and somehow still do better than me (yes I'm salty). The major overarching theme is that I feel very detached from people. There isn't any warmth in my social circles, regretfully. I don't trust people around me as much as people I know 10 years ago. I really can't tell real people from fake ones. The line blurs so strongly, and the blade cuts so deeply. I thought that I have good friends in uni, but some moments of confrontation have led me to think: maybe we're here not on friendly terms, but business terms. We are here for mutualism, not here based on our own friendship or will. You don't give me your lab report, I won't give mine. I'm not a first choice for anyone neither. My social relationships have not given me much happiness at all in this place. I only think about whether I will one day be lonely when people just start leaving me if my use to them have vanished. 

I know I have sidetracked like mad

Anyway, I'm not sure when this started. But I have felt more inclined to stay at home through these years. It could be me being lazy, or introverted (actually, KY told me recently that he thought I was extroverted, which reminded me of how different I act to different people. Am I extroverted or introverted?) but I have a small feeling of dread when I have to go out. Even with friends. I just feel so comfortable at home. I think it's a bad mindset. But I feel like a lot of my sources of happiness comes from just relaxing at home, watching Youtube videos, playing games. Like a useless, antisocial NEET. The indulgence I was talking about earlier. Is it destroying me? Maybe my social life. But I feel happier. After school, I don't want to revise in school. I just want to go home. A magnet is at home, pulling me back. Ah...

All the jibber jabber and I still have not found my theory of happiness. Maybe I did? Is it just to place my happiness first? What about everything and everyone else? Do I really need the short term happiness, or should I put myself through all this suffering for my long term happiness, which by the way, is just arbitrary. I can be unhappy in the future. No one knows. It's maddening isn't it?

Aiya, why think so much? Just spend only, buy all the games you want. Spend your money on virtual currency to roll for virtual waifus. Play, because if not now, then when right? Relax la brother. Give in to hedonism. Enjoy your life. 

If only I can do that without feeling guilt.

Side note: KY had told me how he is in Poly right now. After graduating from JC. What a madman. Meeting with my primary school friends over fish and chips for dinner had made me feel warm inside. Even though the numbers slowly decrease over time, talking to people who I genuinely care for, after such a long time, has brought some happiness for me. Maybe this is my theory of happiness. Reminiscing over memories, that I've clutched in my hands like as if I never ever wanted to grow up.

Wishing those good days never ended.

A look at how I view myself as a person

Finally, it's recess week. I was planning to use this time to play Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of the Sky but I have a lot of work, and I'm lazy to do both. I'm so sad. So I'm playing Pokemon Masters on my phone and letting the auto mode grind for me. Hope my phone doesn't overheat and shit.

But anyway, I was watching a video on the 16 personality types and I remembered that I was an INFP from a long time ago. I haven't took the test recently and thus took it again, and guess what I got?

INFP again, bitches. Looks like I haven't changed over the years. Old Shawn best Shawn haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kill me 

Anyway, let's take a look at what 16personalities.com has to say. (not sponsored post btw)

So, INFP (INFP-T specifically) is called the Mediator. Hmm.. I can't complain about that...

Mediator personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, Mediators have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. Comprising just 4% of the population, the risk of feeling misunderstood is unfortunately high for the Mediator personality type – but when they find like-minded people to spend their time with, the harmony they feel will be a fountain of joy and inspiration.

Ok, first off I'm not really an optimist as a person. I try to be optimistic but y'know, when life beats you down into the hellhole that is called NTU Physics it's difficult to be happy sometimes. Idealist.. Maybe. I do try to look for the good in people, as I believe all people are born good. 4% of the population, we take those. I think I see quite a lot of INFPs out there though.

The last sentence is what truly resonates with me. I have experienced quite a lot of misunderstandings with people around me, mainly due to the way I speak and communicate. I guess its just how I like to change my way of talking to people around me based on how I feel they can understand me best but I think that doesn't happen for all cases. Or maybe it's the other person's fault kek. Also, finding people who have the same interests as you makes me happy, cause I've got things to talk about. Doesn't that work for everyone? I don't know man, maybe this is just too broad a statement.

Being a part of the Diplomat Role group, Mediators are guided by their principles, rather than by logic (Analysts), excitement (Explorers), or practicality (Sentinels). When deciding how to move forward, they will look to honor, beauty, morality and virtue – Mediators are led by the purity of their intent, not rewards and punishments. People who share the Mediator personality type are proud of this quality, and rightly so, but not everyone understands the drive behind these feelings, and it can lead to isolation.

All that is gold does not glitter; not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither; deep roots are not reached by the frost.
J. R. R. TOLKIEN

Ok, I'm not sure about 'honor, beauty, morality and virtue' guiding me forward. I guess I do have my own principles on how to behave as a human being (do you not have one? wtf?) and I guess that guides me forward. But beauty.. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I feel that helping others is a good thing and thus if I can help, I will help. Rewards and punishments... I don't try to risk and break rules with heavy punishments. Reasonable isn't it?
No comments for the Tolkien quote. LOL

We Know What We Are, but Know Not What We May Be

At their best, these qualities enable Mediators to communicate deeply with others, easily speaking in metaphors and parables, and understanding and creating symbols to share their ideas. Fantasy worlds in particular fascinate Mediators, more than any other personality type. The strength of their visionary communication style lends itself well to creative works, and it comes as no surprise that many famous Mediators are poets, writers and actors. Understanding themselves and their place in the world is important to Mediators, and they explore these ideas by projecting themselves into their work.
Mediators have a talent for self-expression, revealing their beauty and their secrets through metaphors and fictional characters.

Do I speak in metaphors and parables? Metaphors, yes. Parables... eh...

Creative works. Ok, I'm not an artist, I'm not a poet, nor an actor. I do enjoy writing though, that's why I'm doing this. Throwback to the primary school days, I loved doing narratives. I put in all the most random, crazy bastard bullshit ass things I can think of into those. I pity my teachers. If that projects into my personality, then I agree I am all of those.

Mediators’ ability with language doesn’t stop with their native tongue, either – as with most people who share the Diplomat personality types, they are considered gifted when it comes to learning a second (or third!) language. Their gift for communication also lends itself well to Mediators’ desire for harmony, a recurring theme with Diplomats, and helps them to move forward as they find their calling.

I wanna learn Japanese tbh, but I'm not sure about my affinity to it. Will take this into consideration heh. I don't think I have a gift for communication leh. 

Listen to Many People, but Talk to FewUnlike their Extraverted cousins though, Mediators will focus their attention on just a few people, a single worthy cause – spread too thinly, they’ll run out of energy, and even become dejected and overwhelmed by all the bad in the world that they can’t fix. This is a sad sight for Mediators’ friends, who will come to depend on their rosy outlook.
If they are not careful, Mediators can lose themselves in their quest for good and neglect the day-to-day upkeep that life demands. Mediators often drift into deep thought, enjoying contemplating the hypothetical and the philosophical more than any other personality type. Left unchecked, Mediators may start to lose touch, withdrawing into “hermit mode”, and it can take a great deal of energy from their friends or partner to bring them back to the real world.
Luckily, like the flowers in spring, Mediator’s affection, creativity, altruism and idealism will always come back, rewarding them and those they love perhaps not with logic and utility, but with a world view that inspires compassion, kindness and beauty wherever they go.

I run out of energy. A lot. I feel like an old man at this age. My school orientation that I signed up for, the one with more hype? I died off from day 2 onwards because I had not enough sleep. I can't socialise with the rest of the cunts, nobody has the same interests as me. It was a horrific experience. I was contemplating if I wanted to go back or not every time but since I paid money for it, hell no man. Yeah, I feel powerless about things in this world. Global warming especially. What can 1 man do? No matter how many times I throw my cooling water bottle into the recycling bin penguins are continuing to die. It's sad really.

I daydream. A lot. Hermit mode? A lot. Creativity, altruism, idealism? Maybe. Inspiring compassion, kindness and beauty? I am not worthy.

Let's see what strengths 16personalities.com (not sponsored btw) says I have.

Idealistic – Mediators’ friends and loved ones will come to admire and depend on them for their optimism. Their unshaken belief that all people are inherently good, perhaps simply misunderstood, lends itself to an incredibly resilient attitude in the face of hardship.
Seek and Value Harmony – People with the Mediator personality type have no interest in having power over others, and don’t much care for domineering attitudes at all. They prefer a more democratic approach, and work hard to ensure that every voice and perspective is heard.
Open-Minded and Flexible – A live-and-let-live attitude comes naturally to Mediators, and they dislike being constrained by rules. Mediators give the benefit of the doubt too, and so long as their principles and ideas are not being challenged, they’ll support others’ right to do what they think is right.
Very Creative – Mediators combine their visionary nature with their open-mindedness to allow them to see things from unconventional perspectives. Being able to connect many far-flung dots into a single theme, it’s no wonder that many Mediators are celebrated poets and authors.
Passionate and Energetic – When something captures Mediators’ imagination and speaks to their beliefs, they go all in, dedicating their time, energy, thoughts and emotions to the project. Their shyness keeps them from the podium, but they are the first to lend a helping hand where it’s needed.
Dedicated and Hard-Working – While others focusing on the challenges of the moment may give up when the going gets tough, Mediators (especially Assertive ones) have the benefit of their far-reaching vision to help them through. Knowing that what they are doing is meaningful gives people with this personality type a sense of purpose and even courage when it comes to accomplishing something they believe in.

Yes, I think that all people are good. Initially, at least. Optimistic? Uh...

Yes, yes yes. Hell yes. Harmony is basically what makes everything work. Life is a team game. Like a game of League (or Mobile Legends if you play that shitty game), you win when you work as a team. I don't care about being the leader, or being the carry. We win the game? Good. Get the job done? Excellent. Everyone's happy? Even better.

Yeah, I give the benefit of the doubt. I do play by the rules, but flexibility is so so important in how I live. I hate having 1 option only. There must always be a backup plan, an alternative, to everything and anything. Imagine having only 1 path in life. 

Creative... is what something I think I have. I won't come and say I'm super creative, but I guess above average is ok with me. Poet and author? Hm...

If it's something I'm interested, of course I'll be passionate and energetic. Nuff said.

Last point? Uh.. no comment.. haha.. It's not like I'm supposed to be doing work now or anything...

Let's look at weaknesses now.

Too Idealistic – Mediators often take their idealism too far, setting themselves up for disappointment as, again and again, evil things happen in the world. This is true on a personal level too, as Mediators may not just idealize their partners, but idolize them, forgetting that no one is perfect.Too Altruistic – Mediators sometimes see themselves as selfish, but only because they want to give so much more than they are able to. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as they try to push themselves to commit to a chosen cause or person, forgetting to take care of the needs of others in their lives, and especially themselves.Impractical – When something captures Mediators’ imagination, they can neglect practical matters like day-to-day maintenance and simple pleasures. Sometimes people with the Mediator personality type will take this asceticism so far as to neglect eating and drinking as they pursue their passion or cause.Dislike Dealing With Data – Mediators are often so focused on the big picture that they forget the forest is made of individual trees. Mediators are in tune with emotions and morality, and when the facts and data contradict their ideals, it can be a real challenge for them.Take Things Personally – Mediators often take challenges and criticisms personally, rather than as inspiration to reassess their positions. Avoiding conflict as much as possible, Mediators will put a great deal of time and energy into trying to align their principles and the criticisms into a middle ground that satisfies everybody.Difficult to Get to Know – Mediators are private, reserved and self-conscious. This makes them notoriously difficult to really get to know, and their need for these qualities contributes to the guilt they often feel for not giving more of themselves to those they care about.

(I'll be honest lads I have no idea how to format this shit I'm just copypasting from the website and the formatting keeps screwing me over)

Idealistic. Well, I always have expectations. I have an ideal perfect world. But it doesn't exist realistically. An ideal perfect waifu. She may or may not exist, but the only thing I know is both will give me disappointment.

Altruism. This was me a while back. I used to think like Emiya Shirou (if you don't know who is he, it's time for you to start watching the Fate series. Start off by reading the visual novel which will take 100 hours of your life, then the UBW anime) but now I've started to prioritise myself over others. Is it selfish? Maybe. But not taking care of yourself is self destructive. 

Impractical? The only thing impractical is me forgetting lunch and dinner when I play games.

I don't dislike dealing with data. Except if it's lab data. Cause lab sucks.

Ok, I do admit. I take things personally sometimes. Maybe a lot. Frequently. Y'know, I banter a lot. I really like the odd insult to my buddies. But sometimes I cannot tell if what they say to me is really true or not. It depends a lot on who is speaking to me, close friends not so much but if they are more distanced to me and say such things, it would probably mean something more.

Yeah. I don't really talk a lot about things. There's one thing I need to have. Safeguarding myself. Imagine letting the world know your secrets. Your flaws. I'll never let that happen. On my deathbed then you'll see me crack the faintest of smiles knowing nobody will ever know. If you're reading this, you probably already know a lot. But you don't know everything.

 Let's see.. romantic relationships. My favourite part.

Mediators are dreamy idealists, and in the pursuit of the perfect relationship, this quality shows strongest. Never short on imagination, Mediators dream of the perfect relationship, forming an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, playing and replaying scenarios in their heads of how things will be. This is a role that no person can hope to fill, and people with the Mediator personality type need to recognize that nobody’s perfect, and that relationships don’t just magically fall into place – they take compromise, understanding and effort.

I have no comment for this, because this is word for word what I do.

Love All, Trust a Few, Do Wrong to NoneFortunately these are qualities that Mediators are known for, and while it can be a challenge to separate long-fostered fantasy from reality, Mediators’ tendency to focus their attention on just a few people in their lives means that they will approach new relationships wholeheartedly, with a sense of inherent value, dedication and trust. Mediators share a sincere belief in the idea of relationships – that two people can come together and make each other better and happier than they were alone, and they will take great efforts to show support and affection in order to make this ideal a reality.

 No new friends so can't relate Kappa

But Mediators aren’t necessarily in a rush to commit – they are, after all, Prospecting (P) types, and are almost always looking to either establish a new relationship or improve an existing one – they need to be sure they’ve found someone compatible. In dating, Mediators will often start with a flurry of comparisons, exploring all the ways the current flame matches with the ideal they’ve imagined. This progression can be a challenge for a new partner, as not everyone is able to keep up with Mediators’ rich imagination and moral standards – if incompatibilities and conflict over this initial rush mount, the relationship can end quickly, with Mediators likely sighing that “it wasn’t meant to be.”As a relationship takes hold, people with the Mediator personality type will show themselves to be passionate, hopeless romantics, while still respecting their partners’ independence. Mediators take the time to understand those they care about, while at the same time helping them to learn, grow and change. While Mediators are well-meaning, not everyone appreciates what can come across as constantly being told that they need to improve – or, put another way, that they’re not good enough. Mediators would be aghast to find that their intents were interpreted this way, but it’s a real risk, and if their partner is as averse to conflict as Mediators themselves, it can boil under the surface for some time before surfacing, too late to fix.

Look, I'm a virgin in relationships. Am I really allowed to talk about this? Alright, this basically describes me again. Yes, I have a problem. My problem is I probably have the highest standards for a partner in the world.

Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late 

This aversion to conflict, while contributing greatly to stability in the relationship when done right, is probably the most urgent quality for Mediators to work on. Between their sensitivity and imagination, Mediators are prone to internalizing even objective statements and facts, reading into them themes and exaggerated consequences, sometimes responding as though these comments are metaphors designed to threaten the very foundations of their principles. Naturally this is almost certainly an overreaction, and Mediators should practice what they preach, and focus on improving their ability to respond to criticism with calm objectivity, rather than irrational accusations and weaponized guilt. 

But that’s at their uncommon worst – at their best, Mediators do everything they can to be the ideal partner, staying true to themselves and encouraging their partners to do the same. Mediators take their time in becoming physically intimate so that they can get to know their partners, using their creativity to understand their wants and needs, and adapt to them. People with this personality type are generous in their affection, with a clear preference for putting the pleasure of their partners first – it is in knowing that their partners are satisfied that Mediators truly feel the most pleasure.

Look, again I'm a virgin in relationships. But if I were to make a prediction. just a general prediction, if I were to truly love someone, I'll literally be that girl's slave. That's it.

 Let's see.. friendships.. shout out to my boys boys

The true friends of people with the Mediator personality type tend to be few and far between, but those that make the cut are often friends for life. The challenge is the many dualities that this type harbors when it comes to being sociable – Mediators crave the depth of mutual human understanding, but tire easily in social situations; they are excellent at reading into others’ feelings and motivations, but are often unwilling to provide others the same insight into themselves – it’s as though Mediators like the idea of human contact, but not the reality of social contact.

 Ok.. who is Myers-Briggs and how are these cunts reading my mind?

How Poor Are They That Have Not Patience 

In a lot of ways, this limits the potential pool of friends to other types in the Diplomat Role group, who are able to pick up on the subtle clues left by their Mediator friends, and who are more likely than not to enjoy something of a human enigma. A friendship with a Turbulent Executive (ESTJ-T) on the other hand, governed by social conventions and community participation as they are, would almost be a non-sequitur – though Mediators may find the idea of being paired with their opposite fascinating enough to outweigh the practical challenges to such a friendship. 

To top it all off, ideas like networking and “the friend of my friend is my friend” hold little weight with Mediators. Friendships are earned on their own merit, by dint of the intuitive respect Mediators have for those with similar principles and values, rather than more practical alignments like those of coworkers. Mediators’ tendency to protect their sensitive inner cores and values from criticism, especially if they are on the more turbulent side of the spectrum, means that acquaintances will likely get nowhere near them without sustained and tactful effort. 

But, if Mediators’ shields are properly navigated and they decide to open up and trust another person, a strong, stable friendship will ensue, marked by passionate support and idealism, subtle poetic wit, and a level of emotional insight that is hard to match. Mediators’ friends will be rewarded with calm, sensitivity and depth, and an ever-present desire to help, learn, and grow. But even the most confident and assertive Mediators will only be able to keep up this relaxed and present exterior for so long. 

Even as friendships grow stronger and deeper, and friends are lulled into a sense of mutual understanding, Mediators’ enigmatic qualities will never truly vanish.
Mediators will always need to disappear for a while, removing themselves from others so they can re-center on their own minds and feelings.

 What did I say, the 2nd paragraph was something I talked about earlier. These Myer-Briggs guys are legit hackers dude.

Yes. Sometimes for no reason I will just stop all social contact. I think I just run out of social energy or some shit. Nothing personal guys, I just want to stay in my house.

Parenthood (lol I'm nowhere near this but ok)

People who share the Mediator personality type share a tendency to not only strive to learn and grow as principled, moral individuals, but to bring likeminded people on that journey with them. In their own subtle, often shy way, Mediators want to lead others forward, as kindred spirits – they will find no greater opportunity for this than in parenthood.From the start, Mediator parents are warm, loving and supportive, and take immeasurable joy in the wide-eyed wonder of their children as they explore, learn, and grow. People with the Mediator personality type will give their children the freedom they need to do this, keeping an open mind and letting their children gain their own sense of understanding. At the same time, Mediator parents will try to provide a backdrop to this freedom and experience, establishing a set of morals and values that guide that liberty with a sense of personal responsibility.

I think that's how parenting works in the 2nd paragraph doesn't it?

Mediators never stop encouraging their children to learn and grow, and they consider it their duty to inspire and motivate them, both by using their sensitivity and intuition to speak in their children’s language and by leading the way themselves. 

However, this sense of responsibility has a harder side – if their children fall foul of their Mediator parents’ values, it will not be taken lightly. People with the Mediator personality type take their responsibilities in parenthood seriously, and in this measure above all others. 

In some ways, Mediators’ tendency to hide their inner selves from view can be an advantage in parenting, as they are able to portray themselves as good role models on the outside, shielding their loved ones not just from their own occasional anger and depression, but from the broader evils in the world as well. This helps Mediators to demonstrate outwardly the moral lessons they want their children to adopt, and at the same time to establish a sense of harmony in the household. 

Modest Doubt Is Called the Beacon of the Wise 

The biggest challenge for Mediator parents, especially more Turbulent types who often have even more trouble with self-doubt than most, is to establish more practical and day-to-day structures and rules. Mediators may be able to convey the abstract value of honesty with remarkable skill, but it’s not always easy to equate that idea with the practical reality of their children being home from the movies when they said they were going to be, and it’s especially challenging when these misunderstandings result in conflict. In these situations, Mediator personalities do best with a partner who is able to play a stronger hand in more administrative tasks than they can, so they can focus on the underlying spirit of those rules.

I will expect my children to follow my moral compass at least. No comment for the rest... yet...

Career paths.. Well shit.

It is perhaps more challenging for Mediators to find a satisfying career than any other type. Though intelligent, the regimented learning style of most schools makes long years earning an advanced degree a formidable undertaking for people with the Mediator personality type – at the same time, that’s often what’s needed to advance in a field that rings true for them. Mediators often wish that they could just be, doing what they love without the stress and rigor of professional life.Oftentimes, as with so many things, the answer lies somewhere in the middle, in a line of work that begins with passion and dedication, but which comes to require training so that the academia feels intimately linked to that passion. Too many Mediators drift in frustration, ultimately succumbing to the necessities of day-to-day life in a job that wasn’t meant for them. But it turns out that, despite such exacting demands, modern economics places a premium on the very keys to Mediators’ challenges: their creativity, independence, and need for meaningful relationships with individuals who need their help.

Well, I hope this is true. Yeah, who wants to work? Everyone wants to do their own things. I just hope that whatever I end up doing isn't going to be me working to my grave.

There’s Place and Means for EveryoneFirst and foremost is seemingly every Mediators’ dream growing up – to become an author. While a novel is a classic choice, it is rarely an accessible one, and there are many viable options for freedom-loving Mediators. The internet brings to the world the opportunities of blogging and freelance work – as organizations expand their reach beyond their native tongues, they will come to depend on Mediator personality types, with their gift for language and written expression, to take their rougher translations and stale pitches and inject them with a sense of beauty and poetry. Smaller organizations will need more than ever to express with elegance the value they bring to local communities. Most any cause, idea, or field can benefit from the artful and natural expression that Mediators bring to the table, and Mediators have their pick of the world in choosing who they work with. The real beauty here is that it takes a core interest that people with the Mediator personality type share, while helping a cause they believe in, independently, through creative expression and personal growth, and makes it applicable to any interest there is. There will always be a need, and now more than ever, to win people’s hearts and minds with the written word.Some Mediators will prefer a still more personal touch, being able to work face-to-face with clients, seeing that their personal effort really impacts another’s quality of life. Service careers such as massage therapy, physical rehabilitation, counselling, social work, psychology and even academic roles and retraining can be exceptionally rewarding for Mediators, who take pride in the progress and growth they help to foster. People with the Mediator personality type have a tendency to put others’ interests ahead of their own, a mixed blessing by itself, but when a patient takes their first unaided step in the long road to recovery after an accident, nothing will feel more rewarding than that selflessness.If to Do Were as Easy as to Know What Were Good to Do...Where Mediators will not thrive is in a high-stress, team-heavy, busy environment that burdens them with bureaucracy and tedium. Mediators need to be able to work with creativity and consideration – high-pressure salespeople they are not. It can be a challenge to avoid these roles, as they are the basis for so much starting work, and it’s often a risk to break away into something less dependable, but more rewarding. To find a career that resonates with Mediators’ values though, that’s more than just a job, sometimes it’s just what needs to be done.

 Welp... I am blogging, they got that spot on. I always wondered whether I'll be good at writing. Well, we will not know for now. I don't thrive under stress. Service industry? It was hellish for me being a salesperson. Well, let's see when it comes.

I'm skipping the last part 'Workplace habits' cause I'm tired yikes.

How was it? I think the Myer-Briggs people are spying on me. I'll go check for hidden cameras and Russian spies around the neighbourhood right now. See you guys next year for the next post.

Addendum: This post has 4818 words excluding this. Very nice.