Rage

So my PW group have been working hard to get good results for OP, and we thought everything was pretty smooth.

Then today, during a rehearsal, my teacher literally went 吹毛求疵 and just criticised my slides and presentation like mad.

My OP exam was 4 days later.

And then he stopped me midway through my presentation and said that I was too fast. This was not a new thing to me, he was literally saying the same damn thing from the first rehearsal. I can guarantee you that I've been putting in effort to slow down and I don't know howwwww ssslloowwwww mmuusssttt I go. It's really infuriating.

I admit that I talk too fast when I present. But I when I do so I become natural, as I speak like that. Today, when I tried to slow down, my pitch went lower and I talked in such a way that it was somehow comical and mocking. I felt uncomfortable but I could not get back on track from there. Even my group member felt like I was "guailan" with that tone. If my teacher felt the same, I guess I can only defend myself by saying that I did not have the energy to sustain my usually high energy level speeches.

I am not saying that I am the best speaker, but I had been expecting myself to get low EE for both categories since the 2nd formal rehearsal. Wei Bin got low EE with ease and said that it's because of differing teachers' standards.

I can only pray that is true.

Without a doubt, I am loud. I can express myself. But clarity, maybe not so. Might mince those words like bak chor mee. Still, I am definitely above above average. I'm sure of that. I don't deserve this marks!

Now, when I present, do I really need to have that nagging thought in my mind to slow down? Must I really slow down for the sake of slowing down? Those are just distractions, barriers hindering me. I am a born rapper, a Mike Shinoda! (jk, but rly)

Back to the drawing board? No. I will examine my pace again and if it's alright to me, it will be alright. I have enough pauses in between, enough emphasis already, enough of OP, enough of PW.

There's no fixed standards in this world, and I'l give my best shot on Monday. After that, I'll get back my promo results. Let's get good results!!!

Even though all this garbage happened, causing today to become rather overcast, I guess there were still some bright patches of sunlight, giving me warmth.

Post promos

Ah, I'm back here! Without the stress of studies on my back.

Well, except PW. After promos, there will be 2-3 weeks of non stop PW madness. All for the preparation of OP.

How was my promos, you may ask? (giving myself hypothetical questions) Well, I felt quite relieved that I did not encounter any health difficulties during the whole week. Fortunately I did have a blast from my stomach like a few days later during the weekends. If that happened during the exams, man I will really curse and swear.

Even though I made a timetable a few weeks before the promos, I did not manage to follow it due to homework. Alright, it may be excuses, Fifa 15 was released on mobile before the promos, what the hell EA! What the actual f888. Out of all timings! So the timetable was redrawn and redrawn up to the point then it started on the 2 day study break that was given to us. The very sufficient study break at least kick started my revision.

I think I will not elaborate on my exams, it may just give me more paranoia at this stage. But I did considerably well, at least for myself, for most of the papers as I managed to finish, somewhat. Was too slow for Chem, lost 10 marks. Math was the usual AJ standard so probably 15 marks there. The rest, hey I think it was managable.

Ah, GP. Not sure if anyone had realised this but I'm in fact a rather ballsy person when it comes to only one thing. Choosing topics for English essays. I'm the man that does questions no one does. "Does the past matter to people nowadays?" was my essay question. Sport? Technology? Media? Eff that shit, we got the past! And this only happens during major exams! Promos nia!!

This led me to another interesting fact, I wrote about Mahatma Gandhi for my GP essay. Alright, fair enough. What so special? The fun part was that I read his wikipedia article before the day of GP, as I watched Epic Rap Battles of History between Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. I then wrote about his peaceful protests for the caste system to be abolished and the salt trade in my essay, portraying him as a role model for the future generations to look up to. Thus, we need to cherish the past! Swee la!

Alright, stop laughing. At least now I know ERB helps in GP.

Back to the present, my class just had an OP workshop with an angmoh teacher today. I did pretty well, my voice echoed in the classroom like it should have and I was animated. Unfortunately Mr Mok wrote that I was reading too much from my script!!!!??!/! Alright I admit I was using an A4 paper as a script but I GAVE EYE CONTACT DAMN IT!

And I spoke too fast. Old problem. I will speak slower anyway for the real thing just to drag time. Only had 3.5 mins worth of stuff to talk about. Totally not a coincidence!

Time for me to emo now. Why do the people I care about not care about me as much as I do? I can't force it upon them but I can only look on and wonder what could've been. If I had the balls to do things that I should be ballsy to do, how different would I be today?

If I'm an adult now I'll probably be downing some beer.