Looking into the past and future

Sup, haven't updated since ages so I came here to talk to myself.

It's March already , few months after my A Levels. Am I confident about it? Honestly no. My mum asked me this question yesterday and I tried to avoid it. The more I think about it, the more it makes me scared. That alone makes me not want to think about it at all.

We'll see on Friday.

What have I been doing in the holidays? Well, I've been playing a lot of League, TF2, Maple, CS:GO and recently POE. My dad still grumbles at me to study sometimes (wtf?) and my justification is that I play now because I did not before A's. That's true right? Right?

Anyway, I've been running a lot also, since my mum is very worried about my impending enlistment to Tekong on April 6th, it's the BMT BOYS!!

Am I nervous about it? Not really. After seeing my friends coming out in one piece, I reckon I can survive it. Being in PES B1, I think I'm likely to do most of what others will do. The only problems are my gastric garbage and eczema. The rest can screw itself. If I kana gastric when we are marching or some shit I'm just gonna curl up in a foetal position and cry. I actually had a chance to down my PES status when I saw a skin doctor in the holidays, but I chose to go on with it. The stupid (I forgot the acronym for the military hospital place) doctor viewed my eczema as minor because on that day it was on good condition. Oh well. Maybe I should have clawed my skin out before that day.

Anyway, from what I know Zachary my man my brother the legend himself may be in the same coy (company or some shit there are so many acronyms used I'm killing myself) as me because he is enlisting on the same time, and Javier is on the same day. Hope we can get lucky and maybe be in the same unit or company or section or WHATEVER THE HELL IS THE PLATOON GARBAGE never mind.

Remember my mum's paranoia? So since I wanted to make myself useful in the holidays I wanted to work and my man YJ had some jobs for me, one was a bus/train surveying job which I took up and was allowed by my mum, because it was on a shift basis so by her logic I had enough time to exercise. Turns out I didn't on every day that I had work because I woke up so late or was too lazy/tired to do so.

But the pay is $10.

But I couldn't go to the toilet if the place is some ulu shit.

Shawn, what is your job scope? You ask.

Well, young padawan, for bus surveys I basically take down the license plate, number of people boarding/alighting/in the bus and what time the buses arrive/depart. I have morning shifts starting at 6.30 and afternoon at 5. Both 2 hour shifts, main thing is to record the number of people who are unable to board the buses in peak hours.

Same for trains.

Sounds easy right? Wait till 3 mothereffing buses come at the same time with the whole population of Singapore inside 1 bus stop and people going everywhere.

Ayy lmao.

Anyway, sometimes I get sent to bus stops with no public restrooms nearby. So I do it in a bush.

JK GOT BAITED SON YOU THINK I WANT TO GET STOMPED AH?

I had to tell the security guard of an office complex (sometimes ignored them) that I'm a young innocent JC boy who had to go the toilet and another one inside the building. I did it so many times the security guard said next time I couldn't do it anymore. I should have campaigned for human rights there and then.

It's a boring job I admit. Hope my employers are not looking at this post. But I listened to music and read newspapers on the job in the beginning cause I foresaw the boredom that came with it. Once I became a pro I read manga and watched anime. Next time gonna start cooking my dinner there.

Shhh.

Ah crap. I wanted to talk about my past and future in this post but I didn't. Here it is.

Looking back at my JC life, I guess I (sadly) didn't enjoy it.

It was just a battle of me and many obstacles ahead of me. Wait, isn't this life? I guess so. Maybe I hate life.

The nights that I spent (attempting) to finish work was countless. Same shit, different day. My classmates slept in class. I understood how they felt because I would too, but I didn't because I felt sleeping would push me back further.

It was also disappointment after disappointment after each test, I was not doing well, and I couldn't break myself out of my rut. I knew I was doing my best but I wasn't getting results. It was not helping my morale.

Other than academics, I didn't really have much of a social life. My class.. was split apart by obvious cliques. I couldn't break out of it also. I was friendly to everyone, I maintained that attitude because I never wanted to make enemies or ostracise people. In the end, I felt like I couldn't find a friend who sticks with me mentally and physically. Even though I had friends, I felt they weren't close enough to me.

I feel quite creepy now lol

Maybe it was not meant to be. I feel that I'm closer to my CCA than my class. Specifically the programming side. The times we spent in that dusty room that we cleaned ourselves, the times Han Jin taught us C++ from scratch and the banter we shared, CDDC, which we won, it brought us closer. We were just 5 guys with a common interest.

This doesn't mean that I didn't view my classmates as good friends. I think I was sticking with Caleb the most of my JC life, he was someone who could banter with me and shared similar social circles. Keith who was always feeling lonely kept finding me (Always have someone like YX to follow me, lmao.) and I was initially very put away by his incessant coughing and bad breath but I found that he genuinely wanted someone to be with and hey, I don't like ostracising people.

Tristan was that asshole that found my one true weakness. And exploited it forever since then. Never forgetti. But he was the life of the party. Roger the smartass scholar was the go to person for everyone (besides the other scholars) for homework help. Bing Qian the gangster who I thought was a Chinese scholar was the guy sleeping in class and being an encylopedia on everything and anything.

Together, it was a weird combination. But the times we spent, in Caleb's house, in the homeroom, Reading Room, doing stupid stuff like BQ burping into Tristan's bag or just doing homework like the lifeless JC kids we were, I guess I enjoyed this journey.

It was painful, it really was. But it was not fruitless. That being said, I will not want to relive my JC life. Please, Friday. This is already making me nervous.

No regrets I guess. I cannot say I have regrets. All my decisions in life, I made it myself. No matter what life throws at me, I have to suck it up. The different paths in life that we take can be cruel. Friends can grow distant. People enter and leave from your life. It's something that we can't avoid.

Just a prayer to my A Level results on Friday. If I do well, I'll be thankful for the rest of my life. If I don't, I will feel wretched and life will be drastically changed. But both ways, I have to take it because these choices were made, some by me, some by Heaven.

I can't complain, even if I do, it won't change anything.

HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH! HUAT AH!