One for my boy Yan Bo

It's been a while. I couldn't be arsed to write but since I have time now slacking in my store I'll just write what has been on my mind.

I have been playing Fate Grand Order for the past few weeks thanks to the army numbing my skull to what is meaningful in life. I have found that it through 2 dimensional wives. Anything else is meaningless and reality is a lie. Farming for materials and I woke up at 730am on a Saturday to farm even more. What has my life gone into?

Anyway, I've been recently thinking about what I would do and feel on the day when I ORD. It feels like a fantasy even though it would happen in a few months time. The vision of it feels unreal and crazy, it makes me feel delighted and uplifted.

I've thought of sending pictures of me dabbing with my pink ic and saying farewell to my commanders (boy that will feel good) but something I didn't really think about is what happens after.

A few months before I will enter my university. I'm in NTU Physics but my physics is garbage. But I just came out of the army. I need to learn something or work right? Right?

I actually asked my mum to teach me how to cook. But I guess she can only do so on the weekends. Other than that what should I do on the weekdays? 🤔

Be a Pokémon master I guess. Or continue playing FGO. Maybe stop being a pile of trash? It all seems so far yet so near; am I jumping the gun when I'm still stuck in green?

I guess I'll just focus on myself first. Get through army with no hitches, no trouble. Disassociate myself with this messed up organization (even though there's reservice lolkillme) and take things one at a time.

Also, thinking about finding a girlfriend. IF ANYONE IS EVEN ATTRACTED TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE! HA! HA ha someone please.

A point that has been troubling me is that I still have not found any purpose or direction in life currently. My dream of entering a computer science course is extinguished and at my current mental state I'm not able to learn anything efficiently or effectively. Simply said, I'm actually wasting my life. "But you're in the army aren't you?" Touche, that's what makes me feel less bad. But still. This pales in comparison to what I used to do.

Actually, writing this post is not a waste of time, I guess. Hopefully it keeps my ever slowing and rusting brain from disintegrating in this place that makes no sense, gives no sense of belonging, nor does it reward hard work or justify our place.

That's right. I hate the army.  A lot. The army hates me too. But one of them sucks way more than the other. Guess who?

I can already predict Yan bo's response in the cbox.