A look at how I view myself as a person

Finally, it's recess week. I was planning to use this time to play Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of the Sky but I have a lot of work, and I'm lazy to do both. I'm so sad. So I'm playing Pokemon Masters on my phone and letting the auto mode grind for me. Hope my phone doesn't overheat and shit.

But anyway, I was watching a video on the 16 personality types and I remembered that I was an INFP from a long time ago. I haven't took the test recently and thus took it again, and guess what I got?

INFP again, bitches. Looks like I haven't changed over the years. Old Shawn best Shawn haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kill me 

Anyway, let's take a look at what 16personalities.com has to say. (not sponsored post btw)

So, INFP (INFP-T specifically) is called the Mediator. Hmm.. I can't complain about that...

Mediator personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, Mediators have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. Comprising just 4% of the population, the risk of feeling misunderstood is unfortunately high for the Mediator personality type – but when they find like-minded people to spend their time with, the harmony they feel will be a fountain of joy and inspiration.

Ok, first off I'm not really an optimist as a person. I try to be optimistic but y'know, when life beats you down into the hellhole that is called NTU Physics it's difficult to be happy sometimes. Idealist.. Maybe. I do try to look for the good in people, as I believe all people are born good. 4% of the population, we take those. I think I see quite a lot of INFPs out there though.

The last sentence is what truly resonates with me. I have experienced quite a lot of misunderstandings with people around me, mainly due to the way I speak and communicate. I guess its just how I like to change my way of talking to people around me based on how I feel they can understand me best but I think that doesn't happen for all cases. Or maybe it's the other person's fault kek. Also, finding people who have the same interests as you makes me happy, cause I've got things to talk about. Doesn't that work for everyone? I don't know man, maybe this is just too broad a statement.

Being a part of the Diplomat Role group, Mediators are guided by their principles, rather than by logic (Analysts), excitement (Explorers), or practicality (Sentinels). When deciding how to move forward, they will look to honor, beauty, morality and virtue – Mediators are led by the purity of their intent, not rewards and punishments. People who share the Mediator personality type are proud of this quality, and rightly so, but not everyone understands the drive behind these feelings, and it can lead to isolation.

All that is gold does not glitter; not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither; deep roots are not reached by the frost.
J. R. R. TOLKIEN

Ok, I'm not sure about 'honor, beauty, morality and virtue' guiding me forward. I guess I do have my own principles on how to behave as a human being (do you not have one? wtf?) and I guess that guides me forward. But beauty.. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I feel that helping others is a good thing and thus if I can help, I will help. Rewards and punishments... I don't try to risk and break rules with heavy punishments. Reasonable isn't it?
No comments for the Tolkien quote. LOL

We Know What We Are, but Know Not What We May Be

At their best, these qualities enable Mediators to communicate deeply with others, easily speaking in metaphors and parables, and understanding and creating symbols to share their ideas. Fantasy worlds in particular fascinate Mediators, more than any other personality type. The strength of their visionary communication style lends itself well to creative works, and it comes as no surprise that many famous Mediators are poets, writers and actors. Understanding themselves and their place in the world is important to Mediators, and they explore these ideas by projecting themselves into their work.
Mediators have a talent for self-expression, revealing their beauty and their secrets through metaphors and fictional characters.

Do I speak in metaphors and parables? Metaphors, yes. Parables... eh...

Creative works. Ok, I'm not an artist, I'm not a poet, nor an actor. I do enjoy writing though, that's why I'm doing this. Throwback to the primary school days, I loved doing narratives. I put in all the most random, crazy bastard bullshit ass things I can think of into those. I pity my teachers. If that projects into my personality, then I agree I am all of those.

Mediators’ ability with language doesn’t stop with their native tongue, either – as with most people who share the Diplomat personality types, they are considered gifted when it comes to learning a second (or third!) language. Their gift for communication also lends itself well to Mediators’ desire for harmony, a recurring theme with Diplomats, and helps them to move forward as they find their calling.

I wanna learn Japanese tbh, but I'm not sure about my affinity to it. Will take this into consideration heh. I don't think I have a gift for communication leh. 

Listen to Many People, but Talk to FewUnlike their Extraverted cousins though, Mediators will focus their attention on just a few people, a single worthy cause – spread too thinly, they’ll run out of energy, and even become dejected and overwhelmed by all the bad in the world that they can’t fix. This is a sad sight for Mediators’ friends, who will come to depend on their rosy outlook.
If they are not careful, Mediators can lose themselves in their quest for good and neglect the day-to-day upkeep that life demands. Mediators often drift into deep thought, enjoying contemplating the hypothetical and the philosophical more than any other personality type. Left unchecked, Mediators may start to lose touch, withdrawing into “hermit mode”, and it can take a great deal of energy from their friends or partner to bring them back to the real world.
Luckily, like the flowers in spring, Mediator’s affection, creativity, altruism and idealism will always come back, rewarding them and those they love perhaps not with logic and utility, but with a world view that inspires compassion, kindness and beauty wherever they go.

I run out of energy. A lot. I feel like an old man at this age. My school orientation that I signed up for, the one with more hype? I died off from day 2 onwards because I had not enough sleep. I can't socialise with the rest of the cunts, nobody has the same interests as me. It was a horrific experience. I was contemplating if I wanted to go back or not every time but since I paid money for it, hell no man. Yeah, I feel powerless about things in this world. Global warming especially. What can 1 man do? No matter how many times I throw my cooling water bottle into the recycling bin penguins are continuing to die. It's sad really.

I daydream. A lot. Hermit mode? A lot. Creativity, altruism, idealism? Maybe. Inspiring compassion, kindness and beauty? I am not worthy.

Let's see what strengths 16personalities.com (not sponsored btw) says I have.

Idealistic – Mediators’ friends and loved ones will come to admire and depend on them for their optimism. Their unshaken belief that all people are inherently good, perhaps simply misunderstood, lends itself to an incredibly resilient attitude in the face of hardship.
Seek and Value Harmony – People with the Mediator personality type have no interest in having power over others, and don’t much care for domineering attitudes at all. They prefer a more democratic approach, and work hard to ensure that every voice and perspective is heard.
Open-Minded and Flexible – A live-and-let-live attitude comes naturally to Mediators, and they dislike being constrained by rules. Mediators give the benefit of the doubt too, and so long as their principles and ideas are not being challenged, they’ll support others’ right to do what they think is right.
Very Creative – Mediators combine their visionary nature with their open-mindedness to allow them to see things from unconventional perspectives. Being able to connect many far-flung dots into a single theme, it’s no wonder that many Mediators are celebrated poets and authors.
Passionate and Energetic – When something captures Mediators’ imagination and speaks to their beliefs, they go all in, dedicating their time, energy, thoughts and emotions to the project. Their shyness keeps them from the podium, but they are the first to lend a helping hand where it’s needed.
Dedicated and Hard-Working – While others focusing on the challenges of the moment may give up when the going gets tough, Mediators (especially Assertive ones) have the benefit of their far-reaching vision to help them through. Knowing that what they are doing is meaningful gives people with this personality type a sense of purpose and even courage when it comes to accomplishing something they believe in.

Yes, I think that all people are good. Initially, at least. Optimistic? Uh...

Yes, yes yes. Hell yes. Harmony is basically what makes everything work. Life is a team game. Like a game of League (or Mobile Legends if you play that shitty game), you win when you work as a team. I don't care about being the leader, or being the carry. We win the game? Good. Get the job done? Excellent. Everyone's happy? Even better.

Yeah, I give the benefit of the doubt. I do play by the rules, but flexibility is so so important in how I live. I hate having 1 option only. There must always be a backup plan, an alternative, to everything and anything. Imagine having only 1 path in life. 

Creative... is what something I think I have. I won't come and say I'm super creative, but I guess above average is ok with me. Poet and author? Hm...

If it's something I'm interested, of course I'll be passionate and energetic. Nuff said.

Last point? Uh.. no comment.. haha.. It's not like I'm supposed to be doing work now or anything...

Let's look at weaknesses now.

Too Idealistic – Mediators often take their idealism too far, setting themselves up for disappointment as, again and again, evil things happen in the world. This is true on a personal level too, as Mediators may not just idealize their partners, but idolize them, forgetting that no one is perfect.Too Altruistic – Mediators sometimes see themselves as selfish, but only because they want to give so much more than they are able to. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as they try to push themselves to commit to a chosen cause or person, forgetting to take care of the needs of others in their lives, and especially themselves.Impractical – When something captures Mediators’ imagination, they can neglect practical matters like day-to-day maintenance and simple pleasures. Sometimes people with the Mediator personality type will take this asceticism so far as to neglect eating and drinking as they pursue their passion or cause.Dislike Dealing With Data – Mediators are often so focused on the big picture that they forget the forest is made of individual trees. Mediators are in tune with emotions and morality, and when the facts and data contradict their ideals, it can be a real challenge for them.Take Things Personally – Mediators often take challenges and criticisms personally, rather than as inspiration to reassess their positions. Avoiding conflict as much as possible, Mediators will put a great deal of time and energy into trying to align their principles and the criticisms into a middle ground that satisfies everybody.Difficult to Get to Know – Mediators are private, reserved and self-conscious. This makes them notoriously difficult to really get to know, and their need for these qualities contributes to the guilt they often feel for not giving more of themselves to those they care about.

(I'll be honest lads I have no idea how to format this shit I'm just copypasting from the website and the formatting keeps screwing me over)

Idealistic. Well, I always have expectations. I have an ideal perfect world. But it doesn't exist realistically. An ideal perfect waifu. She may or may not exist, but the only thing I know is both will give me disappointment.

Altruism. This was me a while back. I used to think like Emiya Shirou (if you don't know who is he, it's time for you to start watching the Fate series. Start off by reading the visual novel which will take 100 hours of your life, then the UBW anime) but now I've started to prioritise myself over others. Is it selfish? Maybe. But not taking care of yourself is self destructive. 

Impractical? The only thing impractical is me forgetting lunch and dinner when I play games.

I don't dislike dealing with data. Except if it's lab data. Cause lab sucks.

Ok, I do admit. I take things personally sometimes. Maybe a lot. Frequently. Y'know, I banter a lot. I really like the odd insult to my buddies. But sometimes I cannot tell if what they say to me is really true or not. It depends a lot on who is speaking to me, close friends not so much but if they are more distanced to me and say such things, it would probably mean something more.

Yeah. I don't really talk a lot about things. There's one thing I need to have. Safeguarding myself. Imagine letting the world know your secrets. Your flaws. I'll never let that happen. On my deathbed then you'll see me crack the faintest of smiles knowing nobody will ever know. If you're reading this, you probably already know a lot. But you don't know everything.

 Let's see.. romantic relationships. My favourite part.

Mediators are dreamy idealists, and in the pursuit of the perfect relationship, this quality shows strongest. Never short on imagination, Mediators dream of the perfect relationship, forming an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, playing and replaying scenarios in their heads of how things will be. This is a role that no person can hope to fill, and people with the Mediator personality type need to recognize that nobody’s perfect, and that relationships don’t just magically fall into place – they take compromise, understanding and effort.

I have no comment for this, because this is word for word what I do.

Love All, Trust a Few, Do Wrong to NoneFortunately these are qualities that Mediators are known for, and while it can be a challenge to separate long-fostered fantasy from reality, Mediators’ tendency to focus their attention on just a few people in their lives means that they will approach new relationships wholeheartedly, with a sense of inherent value, dedication and trust. Mediators share a sincere belief in the idea of relationships – that two people can come together and make each other better and happier than they were alone, and they will take great efforts to show support and affection in order to make this ideal a reality.

 No new friends so can't relate Kappa

But Mediators aren’t necessarily in a rush to commit – they are, after all, Prospecting (P) types, and are almost always looking to either establish a new relationship or improve an existing one – they need to be sure they’ve found someone compatible. In dating, Mediators will often start with a flurry of comparisons, exploring all the ways the current flame matches with the ideal they’ve imagined. This progression can be a challenge for a new partner, as not everyone is able to keep up with Mediators’ rich imagination and moral standards – if incompatibilities and conflict over this initial rush mount, the relationship can end quickly, with Mediators likely sighing that “it wasn’t meant to be.”As a relationship takes hold, people with the Mediator personality type will show themselves to be passionate, hopeless romantics, while still respecting their partners’ independence. Mediators take the time to understand those they care about, while at the same time helping them to learn, grow and change. While Mediators are well-meaning, not everyone appreciates what can come across as constantly being told that they need to improve – or, put another way, that they’re not good enough. Mediators would be aghast to find that their intents were interpreted this way, but it’s a real risk, and if their partner is as averse to conflict as Mediators themselves, it can boil under the surface for some time before surfacing, too late to fix.

Look, I'm a virgin in relationships. Am I really allowed to talk about this? Alright, this basically describes me again. Yes, I have a problem. My problem is I probably have the highest standards for a partner in the world.

Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late 

This aversion to conflict, while contributing greatly to stability in the relationship when done right, is probably the most urgent quality for Mediators to work on. Between their sensitivity and imagination, Mediators are prone to internalizing even objective statements and facts, reading into them themes and exaggerated consequences, sometimes responding as though these comments are metaphors designed to threaten the very foundations of their principles. Naturally this is almost certainly an overreaction, and Mediators should practice what they preach, and focus on improving their ability to respond to criticism with calm objectivity, rather than irrational accusations and weaponized guilt. 

But that’s at their uncommon worst – at their best, Mediators do everything they can to be the ideal partner, staying true to themselves and encouraging their partners to do the same. Mediators take their time in becoming physically intimate so that they can get to know their partners, using their creativity to understand their wants and needs, and adapt to them. People with this personality type are generous in their affection, with a clear preference for putting the pleasure of their partners first – it is in knowing that their partners are satisfied that Mediators truly feel the most pleasure.

Look, again I'm a virgin in relationships. But if I were to make a prediction. just a general prediction, if I were to truly love someone, I'll literally be that girl's slave. That's it.

 Let's see.. friendships.. shout out to my boys boys

The true friends of people with the Mediator personality type tend to be few and far between, but those that make the cut are often friends for life. The challenge is the many dualities that this type harbors when it comes to being sociable – Mediators crave the depth of mutual human understanding, but tire easily in social situations; they are excellent at reading into others’ feelings and motivations, but are often unwilling to provide others the same insight into themselves – it’s as though Mediators like the idea of human contact, but not the reality of social contact.

 Ok.. who is Myers-Briggs and how are these cunts reading my mind?

How Poor Are They That Have Not Patience 

In a lot of ways, this limits the potential pool of friends to other types in the Diplomat Role group, who are able to pick up on the subtle clues left by their Mediator friends, and who are more likely than not to enjoy something of a human enigma. A friendship with a Turbulent Executive (ESTJ-T) on the other hand, governed by social conventions and community participation as they are, would almost be a non-sequitur – though Mediators may find the idea of being paired with their opposite fascinating enough to outweigh the practical challenges to such a friendship. 

To top it all off, ideas like networking and “the friend of my friend is my friend” hold little weight with Mediators. Friendships are earned on their own merit, by dint of the intuitive respect Mediators have for those with similar principles and values, rather than more practical alignments like those of coworkers. Mediators’ tendency to protect their sensitive inner cores and values from criticism, especially if they are on the more turbulent side of the spectrum, means that acquaintances will likely get nowhere near them without sustained and tactful effort. 

But, if Mediators’ shields are properly navigated and they decide to open up and trust another person, a strong, stable friendship will ensue, marked by passionate support and idealism, subtle poetic wit, and a level of emotional insight that is hard to match. Mediators’ friends will be rewarded with calm, sensitivity and depth, and an ever-present desire to help, learn, and grow. But even the most confident and assertive Mediators will only be able to keep up this relaxed and present exterior for so long. 

Even as friendships grow stronger and deeper, and friends are lulled into a sense of mutual understanding, Mediators’ enigmatic qualities will never truly vanish.
Mediators will always need to disappear for a while, removing themselves from others so they can re-center on their own minds and feelings.

 What did I say, the 2nd paragraph was something I talked about earlier. These Myer-Briggs guys are legit hackers dude.

Yes. Sometimes for no reason I will just stop all social contact. I think I just run out of social energy or some shit. Nothing personal guys, I just want to stay in my house.

Parenthood (lol I'm nowhere near this but ok)

People who share the Mediator personality type share a tendency to not only strive to learn and grow as principled, moral individuals, but to bring likeminded people on that journey with them. In their own subtle, often shy way, Mediators want to lead others forward, as kindred spirits – they will find no greater opportunity for this than in parenthood.From the start, Mediator parents are warm, loving and supportive, and take immeasurable joy in the wide-eyed wonder of their children as they explore, learn, and grow. People with the Mediator personality type will give their children the freedom they need to do this, keeping an open mind and letting their children gain their own sense of understanding. At the same time, Mediator parents will try to provide a backdrop to this freedom and experience, establishing a set of morals and values that guide that liberty with a sense of personal responsibility.

I think that's how parenting works in the 2nd paragraph doesn't it?

Mediators never stop encouraging their children to learn and grow, and they consider it their duty to inspire and motivate them, both by using their sensitivity and intuition to speak in their children’s language and by leading the way themselves. 

However, this sense of responsibility has a harder side – if their children fall foul of their Mediator parents’ values, it will not be taken lightly. People with the Mediator personality type take their responsibilities in parenthood seriously, and in this measure above all others. 

In some ways, Mediators’ tendency to hide their inner selves from view can be an advantage in parenting, as they are able to portray themselves as good role models on the outside, shielding their loved ones not just from their own occasional anger and depression, but from the broader evils in the world as well. This helps Mediators to demonstrate outwardly the moral lessons they want their children to adopt, and at the same time to establish a sense of harmony in the household. 

Modest Doubt Is Called the Beacon of the Wise 

The biggest challenge for Mediator parents, especially more Turbulent types who often have even more trouble with self-doubt than most, is to establish more practical and day-to-day structures and rules. Mediators may be able to convey the abstract value of honesty with remarkable skill, but it’s not always easy to equate that idea with the practical reality of their children being home from the movies when they said they were going to be, and it’s especially challenging when these misunderstandings result in conflict. In these situations, Mediator personalities do best with a partner who is able to play a stronger hand in more administrative tasks than they can, so they can focus on the underlying spirit of those rules.

I will expect my children to follow my moral compass at least. No comment for the rest... yet...

Career paths.. Well shit.

It is perhaps more challenging for Mediators to find a satisfying career than any other type. Though intelligent, the regimented learning style of most schools makes long years earning an advanced degree a formidable undertaking for people with the Mediator personality type – at the same time, that’s often what’s needed to advance in a field that rings true for them. Mediators often wish that they could just be, doing what they love without the stress and rigor of professional life.Oftentimes, as with so many things, the answer lies somewhere in the middle, in a line of work that begins with passion and dedication, but which comes to require training so that the academia feels intimately linked to that passion. Too many Mediators drift in frustration, ultimately succumbing to the necessities of day-to-day life in a job that wasn’t meant for them. But it turns out that, despite such exacting demands, modern economics places a premium on the very keys to Mediators’ challenges: their creativity, independence, and need for meaningful relationships with individuals who need their help.

Well, I hope this is true. Yeah, who wants to work? Everyone wants to do their own things. I just hope that whatever I end up doing isn't going to be me working to my grave.

There’s Place and Means for EveryoneFirst and foremost is seemingly every Mediators’ dream growing up – to become an author. While a novel is a classic choice, it is rarely an accessible one, and there are many viable options for freedom-loving Mediators. The internet brings to the world the opportunities of blogging and freelance work – as organizations expand their reach beyond their native tongues, they will come to depend on Mediator personality types, with their gift for language and written expression, to take their rougher translations and stale pitches and inject them with a sense of beauty and poetry. Smaller organizations will need more than ever to express with elegance the value they bring to local communities. Most any cause, idea, or field can benefit from the artful and natural expression that Mediators bring to the table, and Mediators have their pick of the world in choosing who they work with. The real beauty here is that it takes a core interest that people with the Mediator personality type share, while helping a cause they believe in, independently, through creative expression and personal growth, and makes it applicable to any interest there is. There will always be a need, and now more than ever, to win people’s hearts and minds with the written word.Some Mediators will prefer a still more personal touch, being able to work face-to-face with clients, seeing that their personal effort really impacts another’s quality of life. Service careers such as massage therapy, physical rehabilitation, counselling, social work, psychology and even academic roles and retraining can be exceptionally rewarding for Mediators, who take pride in the progress and growth they help to foster. People with the Mediator personality type have a tendency to put others’ interests ahead of their own, a mixed blessing by itself, but when a patient takes their first unaided step in the long road to recovery after an accident, nothing will feel more rewarding than that selflessness.If to Do Were as Easy as to Know What Were Good to Do...Where Mediators will not thrive is in a high-stress, team-heavy, busy environment that burdens them with bureaucracy and tedium. Mediators need to be able to work with creativity and consideration – high-pressure salespeople they are not. It can be a challenge to avoid these roles, as they are the basis for so much starting work, and it’s often a risk to break away into something less dependable, but more rewarding. To find a career that resonates with Mediators’ values though, that’s more than just a job, sometimes it’s just what needs to be done.

 Welp... I am blogging, they got that spot on. I always wondered whether I'll be good at writing. Well, we will not know for now. I don't thrive under stress. Service industry? It was hellish for me being a salesperson. Well, let's see when it comes.

I'm skipping the last part 'Workplace habits' cause I'm tired yikes.

How was it? I think the Myer-Briggs people are spying on me. I'll go check for hidden cameras and Russian spies around the neighbourhood right now. See you guys next year for the next post.

Addendum: This post has 4818 words excluding this. Very nice.